Monday, March 20, 2006


Invest Right for Your Blood Type

Given that crackpot Peter J D'Adamo's nonsensical book Eat Right for Your Blood Type has conned significant numbers of people to irrationally change the way they eat and that he has made a boat load of money off of his scam, I have decided that may be I should write my own book: Invest Right for Your Blood Type.

Here is my thesis:

Type A

You are a fruit and vegetable type according to D'Adamo. Thus you should invest in agricultural products. You should also avoid investing in any cosmetic companies because the F&V type generally become smelly hippies with streaks of gray in their hair. In the long run, it is likely that you will end up locked in some human chain protesting the eventual shut down of Air America. Since it is likely that you will be gassed, maced and pummeled by the police, I suggest that you also invest in these products. Sure, you will be supporting "The Man" but you will also be making a buck off of him as well. Savor the sweet irony as it is non-caloric and not prohibited by the diet. You may also want to invest in the Peanuts line of products as you are likely to end up worshipping the Great Pumpkin.

Type B

You should eat a balanced diet, except that you should avoid chicken. So it was YOU ALL ALONG who started the bird virus! But I digress. Since you are a "balanced" person, your portfolio should be balanced as well. Of course, if you buy into all of this nonsense, you are actually way off balance, but let's go with the assumption that D'Adamo is a marketing genius. I suggest that you get hundreds of annual reports from a variety of sectors. Use the largest scale from Monty Python and The Holy Grail placing a chicken (yes, I know it was a duck in the movie, but I am sticking with the the reccomendations of the diet) on one side and the reports on the other. Adjust the number of reports until it counter balances the evil chicken and invest in them.

Type AB
You are a cross between types A and B. You should consume mostly a vegetarian diet with some protein. Sticking with this theme, you should buy stocks that mostly begin with the letter A, but with some B's thrown in for variety. Either that, or the whole AB thing is a subliminal plug for Anheuser Busch.

Type O

Oh, you univerisally wanted blood type! You are to eat mainly protein. But let's be honest. Since you are universally used, so should your money follow the same path. Send all your money to me since you would be "used" anyway. Trust me, I'll invest it wisely.

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